Briana's Bio Page

Clearly, by now you know that I am a crossdresser. If you are like me, you have a curiosity about other crossdressers and how the desire to dress presented itself to them, how they dealt with it, and what plans they have for it in the future and every thing else in between these three topics. So let me tell you about myself and how these three topics affected me.

I actually felt a strong desire to dress around the age of thirteen, but prior to that, I always liked the different feelings and textures of fabrics. As a kid I was no different than any other kid. I was raised in a large conservative family with both brothers and sisters. Our family was very loving with defined lines about who each of us were. As was the fashion then, my Dad pretty much made the rules of the home and for the family. My mother, a beautiful woman seemed to always have her hands full with the bunch of us.

Typically I did all the typical boy stuff including watching over my younger siblings now and then .Amid all this boy stuff I began to feel the urge to try on my mom and sisters things. Of course I knew better than to do this in front of everyone and I surely did not announce at the dinner table that I just loved Mom's new silk slip. I kept my urges and acts to myself and didn't worry much about any of it.

I most definitely do not fit the "Psycho Babble" books that say a crossdresser comes from a family that didn't recognize him as a man, or he came from a family where someone once told him that he was sissy. Forget all that. I don't know how that became the standard for "why someone is a crossdresser". I was mst definitely very masculine as a teenager and my family continuously recognized and appreciated it. I definitely was never called a sissy. In fact I was truly the High School Jock. Let me make it clear that I played sports because I truly loved playing them, it was not an activity I did in order to mask what was really going on with me as far as the dressing was concerned. I played all the varsity sports at school including, basketball, softball, football and I was on the rowing team. My family was highly supportive in those endeavors and was proud of my MVP status and newspaper write ups.

Around this time, I began to notice the girls at school. I was especially drawn to the young ladies who took care of themselves and who wore fashionable clothes. In fact I admired them very much,perhaps I was even a bit jealous of them because they could dress. I had a part time job and with a bit of my pocket money I purchased a pair of panties now and then. Panties could easily be hidden or tossed out. The other things that fascinated me like shoes, dresses and skirts had to wait for later in my life.

It was during this period of time I began to have all kinds of worries about myself. Yes, I dated girls and I liked girls, even enjoyed sexual things with girls. But, I worried about myself in that I began to wonder if I might be gay or bisexual. This would be an on again off again worry for me for many years.

When I went off to College the crossdressing had to lay quietly and dormant in the shadows of my mind. After all, it was the seventies and I was living off campus with a bunch of other guys. Playing College football, partying, studying, traveling home on weekends and working part time kept me pretty busy for five years. On weekends or vacations at home I was able to indulge myself with a few stolen moments. At this time the desire to dress was not necessarily just the desire to dress.... it had also become a sexually gratifying experience for me.

Immediately after college I married my college sweetheart and we set off to begin our life together. Looking back on it now, I realize that I married because it was the thing I thought I was supposed to do next. Married life was the typical, "Not What It Was Cracked Up To Be" thing. But I was married, so together we worked at being married while actually living separate lives. The whole time I was married the desire to dress came and went with different intensities. I kept it a secret knowing that if I was ever discovered it would be the end of our marriage and my wife at that time would be sure to this powerful information in any negative way she could.

The dressing, my clothes, shoes and interests were all well hidden and never saw the light unless I was absolutely sure that no one was going to be walking through the door unexpectedly. Because of reasons having absolutely nothing to do with my being a crossdresser, my first wife and I divorced. After I began living alone I was involved in some counseling to help me adjust to being divorced and all of those issues. Up until this time, I had not breathed a word of the dressing to another living soul...absolutely no one knew. During a counseling session I told my therapist that I was a crossdresser. She was not shocked!! Did you see that? She Was not shocked!! She simply asked me how I felt about it and what I wanted to do about it. If I was unhappy about it she would help me, if I was happy about it then...be happy.

Wow, for the first time in my life I felt free to learn about this phenomena and I could do it without guilt. At that time, I did not know much about crossdressing other than what I knew about myself and my desires. I began looking on the Internet to see what I could find. I found a whole world of crossdressers and crossdresser sites. Now this is where the tricky stuff comes into play. I knew what kind of man I was as far as my own personal character, religious applications, moral fiber etc., but all that went out the window as I began to talk to other dressers. The conversations were rarely rich with intellectual content. There was a fair exchange of vulgarity and lewdness on their part and mine as well. But to me, it did not matter I had found other men who had the same interest as me. I was hungering to find out more. What did they do with it? Did they tell people? Where did they go? Did they ever wonder if they were gay or bi-sexual? Did they dress and go out? Where did they shop? Was it sexually arousing to them too? I had a million legitimate questions that I wanted answers to.

Sometimes I met a person on line who had the same questions. I did meet one sister with whom I was able to have a legitimate conversation with. She invited me to travel to her city (a hundred miles away) and go out with her dressed to a transgender friendly club. I was very excited and went on this outing. It was wonderful to see so many other crossdressers and to be accepted as a part of it all. Being divorced and living on my own I was able to begin finding what role crossdressing played in my everyday life. I had finally figured out some things about myself.. No I am not gay, I love being a man, No I am not bi-sexual. Having put these things in order I also had to admit to myself that when I was dressed and in true fem mode, I do have bi sexual curiosity... but I realize that that is probably normal for me, but something I would never want to or could do.

Quite unexpectedly I met Brandi. Within a very short period of time, we fell madly in love (the first time for both of us) and we were married. Before we got married I thought about my dressing and what to do about it. I had spent over twenty years being married to my first wife and keeping it a secret like it was some horrible shameful thing. I knew I didn't want to do that again. I also thought about how important this new soul mate was to me and I did not want to be deceptive with her. I made the decision to tell her. I was afraid and planned to do it several times, each time backing ouy for fear of scaring her and losing her. Well, we got married and moved into our new home in a new city where I had been transferred. The first night, I mentioned to her that I had put some things up in the attic and to just ignore them. These things of course were my fem clothes and accessories. As we settled into our new life, my new job and our new house, Brandi was busy unpacking and setting up a home for us. We had been there for about a week when Brandi called me at work, not sounding at all like herself and asked me when I would be home. I told her I wasn't sure and asked what was wrong. She said it wasn't that important we could talk when I got home. As adrenaline raced through me, I said okay and hung up the phone.

It was not much longer after that call that I walked through the door and found her crying. We went to our bedroom and she opened a paper bag she had found in one of my boxes that had a couple of newspapers and a crossdressing video in it. She asked me to tell her why I had them, pointing out to me that the receipt indicated that they were purchased just 2 weeks before that day. Without hesitation, I told her that I was a crossdresser. She said, "You mean you wear women's panties and stuff" I said yes and she said, "Well, Hell I can handle that, I was afraid you were gay or you had a mistress in this city or something."

That event has become a solved puzzle for us. I had already made the decision to tell Brandi, but had chickened out. I had kept this a secret from my first wife for over twenty years. Yet, one week into my marriage to Brandi, I left something in her path that would require me to confess. Clearly, I had subconsciously done this because I wanted to tell her.

That was four years ago. The last four years has been a time for us to not only come to terms with what part Briana plays in our marriage but also our life together. We had three teenagers living in the house with us who did not know. My wife had no one to talk to about this other than myself. Since my exploration was still going on and hers was just beginning, we went to bookstores and began reading. I read the things that interested me, she began reading a bunch of clinical books. We joined the Crystal club and attended a couple meetings. Unfortunately these things did not offer her the information she needed in order to truly put her mind to rest on some issues.

We began talking and then we talked some more. She asked me questions and I tried to answer as honestly as I could. This proved to be difficult for me because I had held this secret for so many years it did not feel natural to talk about it openly with anyone not even my wife. But we did, and slowly we began to find what Brandi calls our "Comfort zone". In her bio you will find more information about what we went through in order to get to where we are.

An important piece of information that I would like to share with my sisters is this. If you expect your wife to share in the crossdressing, it is crucial for you to remember to share. If she makes an attempt to accept and learn all she can and even help you, it is a huge slap in the face for her if you fall back and exercise some of your old but familiar secretive behavior. If your wife expects you to include crossdressing in your life in a way that is reflective of a Christian, married, heterosexual... then be sure to do it. Don't do anything on line or in reality that would not be reflective of who you are. After all sisters Our masculine side combined with our fem side makes the total us... The total you has to be the person that your wife can love.

Where Am I Today? .. Well, I remember well how I felt during my young years, my married years, my exploring years and now. I realize that I have been extremely fortunate in that I have found peace with who I am, how I look and what role crossdressing plays in my life. I want to do something positive with myself and my crossdressing. If I can help one sister adjust to be a crossdresser, learn about her fem side, learn how to make herself attractive, learn how to be a better husband, experience a night out on the town or simply be an ear. I want to do that. I want to contribute in a positive way to other sisters.

Where Am I Headed? I am not a crossdresser who has an interest in hormones or sexual reassignment. As I said earlier, I love being a man and I love having the option of letting my fem side show when the urge hits me. I plan to continue sharing Briana with my wife and growing older (more seasoned as she calls it) together.